Jenny Craig -- Jack Style
Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Alli....you know....diet plans.... Well, lately, I've decided to take these plans to the next level....errr....in the proper direction. Quite frankly, I've come up with my own plan. I'm trying to pork up, beef up, transform into the handsome, muscular dude that I'm destined to be.
A few days ago, I decided that dinnertime would be a good place to start. I ate peas, carrots, steak, potato salad, and rye bread. Then, I moved on to a cup of homemade tapioca. After that, I sat down with Granddad, watched Cars cartoons and ate homemade donuts. I ate two. To wash all of this down, I had a cup of whole milk. Afterwards, I decided that I needed some of Babcia's apple. Whew!
The key to this weight plan is blueberries. Grandma got me hooked on these and Babcia has just perpetuated it. But, it's a critical component of the plan. In order to process all of this food, for breakfast you generally have to eat fresh blueberry pancakes followed by blueberries. This typically jumpstarts the metabolism and encourages muscle growth -- the type that makes me look darn good. My cousin Gabe can vouch for this, but I think his "blueberries" are pinto beans -- not a bad substitute, if you ask me. To some degree, pinto beans are a little more potent. They have an interesting effect on the digestive system. But, sure, consider pintos a proper alternative.
You just wait and see. Come a few days, I'll be Mr. Chick Magnet...muscle man. I betcha if my single uncles would follow this diet plan, they wouldn't need to worry about being fat bachelors for the rest of their lives.
I should probably add a disclaimer somewhere in here. You know, the fine print. I don't want some idiot suing me because they ate too many blueberries or pintos, suffered the effects, and found out that they're allergic to Pepto or GasX.
The satisfaction of my plan is guaranteed, assuming you don't lack quality genetics.
Here are some pictures to illustrate my plan:
A few days ago, I decided that dinnertime would be a good place to start. I ate peas, carrots, steak, potato salad, and rye bread. Then, I moved on to a cup of homemade tapioca. After that, I sat down with Granddad, watched Cars cartoons and ate homemade donuts. I ate two. To wash all of this down, I had a cup of whole milk. Afterwards, I decided that I needed some of Babcia's apple. Whew!
The key to this weight plan is blueberries. Grandma got me hooked on these and Babcia has just perpetuated it. But, it's a critical component of the plan. In order to process all of this food, for breakfast you generally have to eat fresh blueberry pancakes followed by blueberries. This typically jumpstarts the metabolism and encourages muscle growth -- the type that makes me look darn good. My cousin Gabe can vouch for this, but I think his "blueberries" are pinto beans -- not a bad substitute, if you ask me. To some degree, pinto beans are a little more potent. They have an interesting effect on the digestive system. But, sure, consider pintos a proper alternative.
You just wait and see. Come a few days, I'll be Mr. Chick Magnet...muscle man. I betcha if my single uncles would follow this diet plan, they wouldn't need to worry about being fat bachelors for the rest of their lives.
I should probably add a disclaimer somewhere in here. You know, the fine print. I don't want some idiot suing me because they ate too many blueberries or pintos, suffered the effects, and found out that they're allergic to Pepto or GasX.
The satisfaction of my plan is guaranteed, assuming you don't lack quality genetics.
Here are some pictures to illustrate my plan:
Wait, what? What type of exercise plan should you follow? I don't know. Go get a Little Tikes swing. I don't know nothin' 'bout "exercise plans." If you need an exercise "plan," you might want to consider another diet plan. Exercise comes naturally for me. You probably don't have primo genetics if you need an exercise plan. Go read the disclaimer. I'm not responsible for "exercise plans."
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