Schmoozin' the Easter Rabbit
Everyone knows that you're supposed to leave cookies out for Santa Claus. It's protocol. But, I think it makes much more sense to leave cookies for the Easter Rabbit (not Bunny, "Bunny" is too sissy). And, don't tell me that rabbits don't like cookies. They do. I'm sure of it.
First of all, Santa Claus already looks like his wife does some good cookin'. Mrs. Claus probably hosts her own cooking show on the North Pole's version of Food Network. In fact, I bet Mrs. Claus packs Santa a super-sized batch of cookies and snacks for his trip around the world. What sweet wife wouldn't do that for her jolly hubby?
As for the Easter Rabbit... We never hear anything about a Mrs. Easter Bunny. Nothing. There's not even a girlfriend who ships him carrots or other healthy, overrated snacks.
Then, Santa Claus rides on a sleigh pulled by reindeer. That means, he's just in for a really LONG "carride" around the world. And, sure, he slides down chimneys, but gravity helps him with that. We never hear about Santa climbing up the chimney, back to the rooftop. He's probably got a "Batman" cord for that. Factor in all of the cookies he's eating at every house, and his caloric intake far exceeds the expenditure.
Now, the Easter Rabbit has to jump (not hop, "hop" is what Mrs. Bunny would do, if there were a Mrs. Bunny) from house to house. He has to dodge hunters, minivans, and semi-trucks. Not only that, but his job description also includes hiding Easter eggs in ditches, briars, brambles, cactus, forts, treehouses, astroturf, swimming pools, ledges, waterfalls, pine needles, and stairwells. Clearly, the Easter Rabbit deserves cookies. Heck, he probably deserves donuts!
Well, I decided to make some cookies for the Easter Rabbit. Mom kind of took over my endeavor, and they turned out girly. At least, they taste delicious. I picked out some blue sprinkles at the commissary, and I got my very own blue cookie. After all, I had to taste-test Mom's products -- make sure they're just right for the Easter Rabbit. Unfortunately, Mom wouldn't let me have much of the icing. She must be on-board with the anti-trans-fat movement or something (a bunch of hogwash, if you ask me).
Anyway, I'm ready for the Easter Rabbit, assuming Dad doesn't completely derail my plan to "schmooze." When I got up this morning, I saw that Dad had already eaten half of the Easter Rabbit's cookies. Not cool.
First of all, Santa Claus already looks like his wife does some good cookin'. Mrs. Claus probably hosts her own cooking show on the North Pole's version of Food Network. In fact, I bet Mrs. Claus packs Santa a super-sized batch of cookies and snacks for his trip around the world. What sweet wife wouldn't do that for her jolly hubby?
As for the Easter Rabbit... We never hear anything about a Mrs. Easter Bunny. Nothing. There's not even a girlfriend who ships him carrots or other healthy, overrated snacks.
Then, Santa Claus rides on a sleigh pulled by reindeer. That means, he's just in for a really LONG "carride" around the world. And, sure, he slides down chimneys, but gravity helps him with that. We never hear about Santa climbing up the chimney, back to the rooftop. He's probably got a "Batman" cord for that. Factor in all of the cookies he's eating at every house, and his caloric intake far exceeds the expenditure.
Now, the Easter Rabbit has to jump (not hop, "hop" is what Mrs. Bunny would do, if there were a Mrs. Bunny) from house to house. He has to dodge hunters, minivans, and semi-trucks. Not only that, but his job description also includes hiding Easter eggs in ditches, briars, brambles, cactus, forts, treehouses, astroturf, swimming pools, ledges, waterfalls, pine needles, and stairwells. Clearly, the Easter Rabbit deserves cookies. Heck, he probably deserves donuts!
Well, I decided to make some cookies for the Easter Rabbit. Mom kind of took over my endeavor, and they turned out girly. At least, they taste delicious. I picked out some blue sprinkles at the commissary, and I got my very own blue cookie. After all, I had to taste-test Mom's products -- make sure they're just right for the Easter Rabbit. Unfortunately, Mom wouldn't let me have much of the icing. She must be on-board with the anti-trans-fat movement or something (a bunch of hogwash, if you ask me).
Anyway, I'm ready for the Easter Rabbit, assuming Dad doesn't completely derail my plan to "schmooze." When I got up this morning, I saw that Dad had already eaten half of the Easter Rabbit's cookies. Not cool.
so cute. those cookies look good. Mia, Caleb, and I would love to have one:) Jack you are so smart and such a good cook already.
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ReplyDeleteMrs. St. Aubyn, Caleb, and Mia: I would offer you some of these cookies, but my Dad is making that impossible. But, I think Mom is eating them too. Geez. They're completely ruining my plan. Thanks for the compliments. Mom thinks my ego might get as big as Dad's if I don't watch it.
ReplyDeleteStill plenty of time until ER arrives. Now that mom has practice, tell her to start up the real batch of schmoozecookies, and to make sure there are enough to decoy out your pa!
ReplyDeleteIf worse comes to worst and your dad is consuming them all, put some of the decoy cookies on the balcony and when your dad slips out there to munch on them, close and lock the door until Sunday.