Creeps
The latest: Mom and I went on a roadtrip to the mountains recently. We drove with some friends, and wow, it was certainly nice visiting some new places. After driving about 2.5 hours, we arrived at a little coffee shop where Mom and Eric's mom drank coffee/tea. Eric and I ate our lunches. We were starvin' Marvins. The shop grew the herbs for the teas in little gardens. Eric and I decided to do some horticultural engineering, if you know what I mean. Mom wouldn't let me pull off the flowers, but I did get to play in the dirt -- one of my latest and greatest pasttimes. I love dirt. AND, that's probably an understatement. If I could just spend all day digging in dirt, I'm pretty sure life would be heaven. Unfortunately, I can't. Irritating, to say the least.
You're probably wondering how Ludendorff is getting along with the rest of the gang. Oh man, it turns out that he's quite a humorous hippo. Every time I walk into my room, Albert, Mountbatten, Locke, the Sand Crane, and Horatio are splitting guts in fits of laughter. And, it's all because of Ludendorff. He's an intelligent lug. Sometimes, I think, "Ludendorff, really? Man, you're retarded." But, then, when I want to know how Mom's vacuum cleaner works (reason shall remain classified), Ludendorff busts out with his technical terminology. I'm thinking that this dude could provide the answers to all of my technical questions.
Recently, the crew and I have been seriously discussing Santa Claus. Sure, I know Halloween is the next festivity, but right now, it's a little much. You know, some of the stuff is just plain weird, and besides, I haven't really seen Mom or Dad making a big deal out of it. Locke keeps telling me that I'm not going to miss much considering that I lack the appropriate dental arrangement for most of the treats. Alright, and I'll admit it. Some of the stuff just plain creeps me out. Locke used to be a Baptist before he became a Presbyterian/Methodist, and he says that Halloween is merely a "glimpse at hell" and that it's a reminder to be good for Santa Claus. Otherwise, if you're bad, not only do you not receive stuff in your stocking, but you also get to go to the place where they perpetually celebrate Halloween. I asked, "Well, Locke, explain the candy, 'cause I know a lot of kids who would love to perpetually eat pop rocks and sweet tarts." He told me that candy eventually rots your teeth out and perpetually eating anything gets old.
Whatever, Locke. Ludendorff says that I should celebrate Halloween because it's in vogue, whatever that means. So, nope, I don't have a costume, and if I did, it would probably be something lame and last-minute like a "Jack in the Box"(a box) or a "Telephone Jack" (me with my Fisherprice telephone in my mouth) or "Tire Jack" or a "Hi-Jack" (me holding a poster with Hi written on it) or "Car-Jack" (me with a hotwheel taped to my head) or... See, the lameness is endless and absolutely preposterous (a word I learned from Mountbatten). Or, I guess Mom could dress me up in a cutsy lion or bear costume -- totally insensitive to my zoo pals and completely insensitive to my masculinity. If I went, I'd probably go as General Patton. Put on some stars, throw on Dad's boots, get Locke to teach me some fitting vocabulary, sneak a cigar, find a Bull Terrier named Willy....perfect!
Back to Santa Claus or Saint Nicholas. Locke, Ludendorff, and Albert say that they've actually met the gentleman. I don't know how well they actually know him, but I'm thinking this means I have an "in" with right folks. You know, I might just know the right people who know the right people. This could be good. For now, Albert's been briefing me on the holiday season and the upcoming events. I'm getting a little excited.
Better run. I'm waiting for my super-belated (no thanks to the USPS -- dadgum government employees) birthday gift from Mom and Dad: a Radio Flyer rocketship. You're probably wondering how I figured this out. Well, let's just say that I have my sources. (Actually, Mom keeps letting it slip.)
You're probably wondering how Ludendorff is getting along with the rest of the gang. Oh man, it turns out that he's quite a humorous hippo. Every time I walk into my room, Albert, Mountbatten, Locke, the Sand Crane, and Horatio are splitting guts in fits of laughter. And, it's all because of Ludendorff. He's an intelligent lug. Sometimes, I think, "Ludendorff, really? Man, you're retarded." But, then, when I want to know how Mom's vacuum cleaner works (reason shall remain classified), Ludendorff busts out with his technical terminology. I'm thinking that this dude could provide the answers to all of my technical questions.
Recently, the crew and I have been seriously discussing Santa Claus. Sure, I know Halloween is the next festivity, but right now, it's a little much. You know, some of the stuff is just plain weird, and besides, I haven't really seen Mom or Dad making a big deal out of it. Locke keeps telling me that I'm not going to miss much considering that I lack the appropriate dental arrangement for most of the treats. Alright, and I'll admit it. Some of the stuff just plain creeps me out. Locke used to be a Baptist before he became a Presbyterian/Methodist, and he says that Halloween is merely a "glimpse at hell" and that it's a reminder to be good for Santa Claus. Otherwise, if you're bad, not only do you not receive stuff in your stocking, but you also get to go to the place where they perpetually celebrate Halloween. I asked, "Well, Locke, explain the candy, 'cause I know a lot of kids who would love to perpetually eat pop rocks and sweet tarts." He told me that candy eventually rots your teeth out and perpetually eating anything gets old.
Whatever, Locke. Ludendorff says that I should celebrate Halloween because it's in vogue, whatever that means. So, nope, I don't have a costume, and if I did, it would probably be something lame and last-minute like a "Jack in the Box"(a box) or a "Telephone Jack" (me with my Fisherprice telephone in my mouth) or "Tire Jack" or a "Hi-Jack" (me holding a poster with Hi written on it) or "Car-Jack" (me with a hotwheel taped to my head) or... See, the lameness is endless and absolutely preposterous (a word I learned from Mountbatten). Or, I guess Mom could dress me up in a cutsy lion or bear costume -- totally insensitive to my zoo pals and completely insensitive to my masculinity. If I went, I'd probably go as General Patton. Put on some stars, throw on Dad's boots, get Locke to teach me some fitting vocabulary, sneak a cigar, find a Bull Terrier named Willy....perfect!
Back to Santa Claus or Saint Nicholas. Locke, Ludendorff, and Albert say that they've actually met the gentleman. I don't know how well they actually know him, but I'm thinking this means I have an "in" with right folks. You know, I might just know the right people who know the right people. This could be good. For now, Albert's been briefing me on the holiday season and the upcoming events. I'm getting a little excited.
Better run. I'm waiting for my super-belated (no thanks to the USPS -- dadgum government employees) birthday gift from Mom and Dad: a Radio Flyer rocketship. You're probably wondering how I figured this out. Well, let's just say that I have my sources. (Actually, Mom keeps letting it slip.)
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