Horse Apples -- Not the Red Kind
Today, I got pretty close to writing letters to the UN Committe on Human Rights, the ACLU, or CPS. I was a click away from hitting the print button. That's when I realized that Libya had once headed the UN committee, the ACLU is run by a bunch of Obamanites, and CPS is run by.... Well, you get the idea. Plus, Horatio, my shark intervened.
It all started when Dad taught me how to crash my vehicles into each other and when Mom taught me how to throw a ball. And, I caught glimpses of war and baseball on tv. I'm no idiot. Combine all of these images into a nice package, sell it to an impressionable toddler, and I'm a happy customer.
Lately, I've mastered throwing blocks, crashing my tractors into each other, launching vehicles off the sofa, and catapulting cheese from my tray. It's entertaining and scientific. After all, it's never too early to begin physics. If I could just master the cabinet locks, I could start some chemistry too. But, that's another quest for another day.
Mom and Dad aren't quite as enthusiastic about my physics experiments as I thought they would be. Sure, it gets me some great attention, and man, you should hear how deep Dad's voice can get. Dang! I wish I could muster up a bass like that when the two year old at the playground steals my Hot Wheels. Mom's "No" isn't quite as menacing. In fact, it usually just makes me laugh.
"Usually" is the key word. Today, Mom and I were playing blocks, and I decided to show her how far I could chuck some of them. Well, the first time, I got the standard "No." It made me chuckle. I decided to chuck another block. She grabbed my hand. So, I decided to pretend that I was Horatio going in for the shark-attack. That's when she said, "Time Out." "Wait, what?!"
Mom made me sit on her lap in a chair for an eternity. Well, she said it was only thirty seconds, but whatever. "Time Outs" = a trailer load of horse apples
I decided to see what would happen if I threw my tractor. Hmmm.... I had to sit in "Time Out" again. Not cool!
Let me tell you. I was happy when Mom put me in my crib for naptime. I needed some space. Time Outs....whatever! Like I said... total load of horse apples. Don't tell Mom I'm writing this. She'd probably put me in a "Time Out."
So, I was going to submit a complaint to someone about this injustice, but Horatio told me he would have done the same thing if I were his kid. I could have sent him packing his bags, but that's when Locke and Mountbatten agreed with him. Dumb animals. Sometimes, they make me so mad, siding with Mom like that. I'm not sharing my Orange Juliuses with them ever again, never.
It all started when Dad taught me how to crash my vehicles into each other and when Mom taught me how to throw a ball. And, I caught glimpses of war and baseball on tv. I'm no idiot. Combine all of these images into a nice package, sell it to an impressionable toddler, and I'm a happy customer.
Lately, I've mastered throwing blocks, crashing my tractors into each other, launching vehicles off the sofa, and catapulting cheese from my tray. It's entertaining and scientific. After all, it's never too early to begin physics. If I could just master the cabinet locks, I could start some chemistry too. But, that's another quest for another day.
Mom and Dad aren't quite as enthusiastic about my physics experiments as I thought they would be. Sure, it gets me some great attention, and man, you should hear how deep Dad's voice can get. Dang! I wish I could muster up a bass like that when the two year old at the playground steals my Hot Wheels. Mom's "No" isn't quite as menacing. In fact, it usually just makes me laugh.
"Usually" is the key word. Today, Mom and I were playing blocks, and I decided to show her how far I could chuck some of them. Well, the first time, I got the standard "No." It made me chuckle. I decided to chuck another block. She grabbed my hand. So, I decided to pretend that I was Horatio going in for the shark-attack. That's when she said, "Time Out." "Wait, what?!"
Mom made me sit on her lap in a chair for an eternity. Well, she said it was only thirty seconds, but whatever. "Time Outs" = a trailer load of horse apples
I decided to see what would happen if I threw my tractor. Hmmm.... I had to sit in "Time Out" again. Not cool!
Let me tell you. I was happy when Mom put me in my crib for naptime. I needed some space. Time Outs....whatever! Like I said... total load of horse apples. Don't tell Mom I'm writing this. She'd probably put me in a "Time Out."
So, I was going to submit a complaint to someone about this injustice, but Horatio told me he would have done the same thing if I were his kid. I could have sent him packing his bags, but that's when Locke and Mountbatten agreed with him. Dumb animals. Sometimes, they make me so mad, siding with Mom like that. I'm not sharing my Orange Juliuses with them ever again, never.
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