******Static*******Static*******
*****Static*****Static************************************************************************************************************************************************************************(6 years of STATIC)****************************************
(Someone clearing his throat.)
Locke: Crikey, Albert!!! Are we on? Do not touch that dial. Every time Will touches that button, we can never get it back on the right channel. Blasted walkie talkie. Santa should have gotten a contract with Motorola. These things are junk. Ok....let me see here. Is it Channel 1? I think we can broadcast now. "Hello, hello! Good Morning.....ahem....Good Afternoon.....where are we Albert?"
Albert: You forgot to say "over." Based on my superior geographical knowledge, we are in a place called Buckeye....Buckeye, Arizona. That's "Bravo," "Romeo," "Uncle".....wait...."Uniform," "Cheetoh," "Kilo," "Echo," "Yo-Yo," "Echo," OVER." Roger?
Locke: Roger that, your "superior geographical knowledge?" Right. Alright. "Come in, Buckeye! Over." Ok, let's see if anyone answers. Maybe Jack's buddy down the street has his walkie talkie on.
Albert: Doubtful. Kid's at school. This is Buckeye, Locke. They're not interested in a podcast on the Federal Reserve and your opinion of Jerome Powell. They want to know the latest football scores or the current price of cotton, or where I can buy a bag of Funyuns -- NOT a regurgitation of your majestic intelligence. If anything, why don't you study up on military history, so you can actually have a relatively insightful conversation with Jack. Shoot, study up on rocket science or baseball. Actually, leave the baseball to me.
(BEEEP....BEEEP......BEEEEP......BEEEEP)
Locke: We got a reply on this blasted thing! Someone is trying to contact us. "Say again! 10-9" I suspect it's an eighteen wheeler on I-10. Quick, Albert, look up trucker lingo on Jack's Mom's iPhone. Wait, someone is snorting and belching loudly on the other end! Wait a minute. Listen, Albert, I can actually hear it coming from under Jack's bed. LUDENDORFF! Cease and desist, you repulsive hippo.
Ludendorff: (With a strong German accent and laughing.) You are too serious, my friend. Besides, what is it that you would like to achieve using these radios?
Locke: This is serious, Ludendorff. I'm trying to educate the American public. National Public Radio is a farce. Those narcissistic nincompoops.....
Albert: Hey, kettle, you're black!
Ludendorff: Locke, if you succeed, I can contribute a broadcast with the results of my latest scientific experiment.
Locke: What's that? An elemental analysis of your belches?!
Ludendorff: You're so insulting. No, Jack always leaves residue in the sink after brushing his teeth. It's actually quite impressive-- in a revolting sense. Since he leaves such a great amount, I can actually culture the microbes and monitor the daily bacterial growth. Quite fascinating. Once I get my hands on a mass spectrometer..... Where are those snap circuits the kid has? Wait, Will has a set too! Wunderbar. I plan to sequence the DNA of those microbes. Then, I'll publish this in some scholarly journal.
Albert: Hey, Locke, what time is it?
Locke: Time for you to get a watch.
Ludendorff: 1449.
Albert: Less than hour until Jack gets home from school. He has baseball tryouts today! Oh man, I gotta sneak into the garage and spit on his bat and glove for luck! I better rub a LOT of spit on that bat. Kid's been scared of the ball lately. Think his Mom will notice me? I better take her cellphone and put it back on the counter. She's absent-minded, but she ain't absent-minded enough to leave it in Jack's room on the floor.
(Someone clearing his throat.)
Locke: Crikey, Albert!!! Are we on? Do not touch that dial. Every time Will touches that button, we can never get it back on the right channel. Blasted walkie talkie. Santa should have gotten a contract with Motorola. These things are junk. Ok....let me see here. Is it Channel 1? I think we can broadcast now. "Hello, hello! Good Morning.....ahem....Good Afternoon.....where are we Albert?"
Albert: You forgot to say "over." Based on my superior geographical knowledge, we are in a place called Buckeye....Buckeye, Arizona. That's "Bravo," "Romeo," "Uncle".....wait...."Uniform," "Cheetoh," "Kilo," "Echo," "Yo-Yo," "Echo," OVER." Roger?
Locke: Roger that, your "superior geographical knowledge?" Right. Alright. "Come in, Buckeye! Over." Ok, let's see if anyone answers. Maybe Jack's buddy down the street has his walkie talkie on.
Albert: Doubtful. Kid's at school. This is Buckeye, Locke. They're not interested in a podcast on the Federal Reserve and your opinion of Jerome Powell. They want to know the latest football scores or the current price of cotton, or where I can buy a bag of Funyuns -- NOT a regurgitation of your majestic intelligence. If anything, why don't you study up on military history, so you can actually have a relatively insightful conversation with Jack. Shoot, study up on rocket science or baseball. Actually, leave the baseball to me.
(BEEEP....BEEEP......BEEEEP......BEEEEP)
Locke: We got a reply on this blasted thing! Someone is trying to contact us. "Say again! 10-9" I suspect it's an eighteen wheeler on I-10. Quick, Albert, look up trucker lingo on Jack's Mom's iPhone. Wait, someone is snorting and belching loudly on the other end! Wait a minute. Listen, Albert, I can actually hear it coming from under Jack's bed. LUDENDORFF! Cease and desist, you repulsive hippo.
Ludendorff: (With a strong German accent and laughing.) You are too serious, my friend. Besides, what is it that you would like to achieve using these radios?
Locke: This is serious, Ludendorff. I'm trying to educate the American public. National Public Radio is a farce. Those narcissistic nincompoops.....
Albert: Hey, kettle, you're black!
Ludendorff: Locke, if you succeed, I can contribute a broadcast with the results of my latest scientific experiment.
Locke: What's that? An elemental analysis of your belches?!
Ludendorff: You're so insulting. No, Jack always leaves residue in the sink after brushing his teeth. It's actually quite impressive-- in a revolting sense. Since he leaves such a great amount, I can actually culture the microbes and monitor the daily bacterial growth. Quite fascinating. Once I get my hands on a mass spectrometer..... Where are those snap circuits the kid has? Wait, Will has a set too! Wunderbar. I plan to sequence the DNA of those microbes. Then, I'll publish this in some scholarly journal.
Albert: Hey, Locke, what time is it?
Locke: Time for you to get a watch.
Ludendorff: 1449.
Albert: Less than hour until Jack gets home from school. He has baseball tryouts today! Oh man, I gotta sneak into the garage and spit on his bat and glove for luck! I better rub a LOT of spit on that bat. Kid's been scared of the ball lately. Think his Mom will notice me? I better take her cellphone and put it back on the counter. She's absent-minded, but she ain't absent-minded enough to leave it in Jack's room on the floor.
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