Jim and Jasper
First off, I haven't written in a few weeks, and I apologize. You know, Christmas gets hectic, and considering the "damage" Santa Claus did, I've been super busy. You saw the pictures. Apparently, Santa Claus thought I was pretty darn nice this year, and I tend to agree. (We won't discuss Dad's new wrestle-mania rules: No bonking, No biting, and NO pinching. What a lightweight -- can't even take the occasional head-bonk! I gotta give it to him, though. Nobody else will wrestle with me.)
Secondly, I forgot to mention a new member of my zoo: Jim. He ain't nothing but a hound from Texas, and I love him. Locke, Albert, and the entire crew took a liking to him immediately. The Texas twang apparently won Jim immediate acceptance.
As for Jasper.... Jasper's a completely different story, and I haven't met him yet.
Have you ever walked into a room full of a group of people discussing something...then, they notice you've walked in.....and, then, the conversation suddenly shifts tone....? (disgregard the lack of proper grammatical structure in that sentence) Well, that's what happened when I learned of Jasper. Here's how it went.
A few days ago, I decided to go into my room to get my brand-spankin'-new racetrack set. As I walked in, I saw Locke, Albert, the Sand Crane, Ludendorff, Horatio, the Flamboyant Flamingo, Jim, Mountbatten, and Pete in serious conversation. They didn't notice my presence. Here's what I heard (obviously mid-conversation):
Albert: "Really, Jasper's coming? You've got to be flippin' kidding me?!"
Locke: "Yes, he's coming, and we all know why he's flying all the way out here."
Mountbatten: "Wow, so, he's really going to deliver us a package."
Locke: "Obviously, Mountbatten, that's Jasper's profession. He's like DHL or FedEx."
Horatio: "Dear Jasper, I pity that fellow. I wonder what poverty-stricken neighborhood he had to grow up in to get that job?"
Ludendorff: "Horatio, it's a difficult job, but it's a blessed one."
(That's when they all noticed me standing there.)
Locke: "Oh, hey kiddo, what's new? You looking for your racetrack? Sure, we'll help you find it. Let me help you find it."
Me: "Who's Jasper?"
Albert: "Did you know that your new Little Tikes firetruck will go from 0 to 60 in five seconds when we all push it down the apartment building stairs?"
Me: "Really, who's Jasper? And, what are you getting in the mail?"
Locke: "Ok, we might as well be honest. He's a dear stork friend of ours, and he likes to eat frogs. Plus, he won't stay long -- not long at all. He typically leaves after catching a good bite to eat and well, dropping off his package."
Me: "A stork? What the heck is a stork?"
Sand Crane: "He's a bird relative. He makes special deliveries -- airmail. You know, he delivers packages."
Me: "Well, I hope he brings something neat like a new tractor."
Mountbatten: (dying laughing) "A new tractor? Kid, you crack me up. You better start hiding your 'old' tractors."
Me: "When do we get the special delivery?"
Albert: "Well, Jasper's note said that he'd arrive sometime on or around August 6th. He was rather vague."
Me: "You should have gotten Mom to do your on-line shopping because that doesn't sound like the company is shipping 'priority.' That even sounds worse than parcel post. And, that takes two blasted months!"
Locke: "Well, kiddo, the product is custom-made."
Mountbatten: (dying laughing again) "I'll say, custom-made!!! Too funny, Locke. You're too funny. I'm going to split a gut, here."
Horatio: "Kid, don't you remember eating lots of grilled cheese sandwiches about a month ago? Didn't your mother try to get you to eat some pickled okra the other day? Remember the chili-dogs for two days in a row? Yeah, what about those jalapeno poppers? That's all part of this Jasper dude's visit."
Locke: "Kiddo, just forget about it. You'll meet Jasper in August. Where's that racetrack?"
Me: "Y'all are weird. Where is my racetrack?"
So, yeah, that's Jasper. Apparently, I'm going to host a stork, come fall. He better be bringin' something good. Otherwise, we ain't sharing the Orange Juliuses.
Secondly, I forgot to mention a new member of my zoo: Jim. He ain't nothing but a hound from Texas, and I love him. Locke, Albert, and the entire crew took a liking to him immediately. The Texas twang apparently won Jim immediate acceptance.
As for Jasper.... Jasper's a completely different story, and I haven't met him yet.
Have you ever walked into a room full of a group of people discussing something...then, they notice you've walked in.....and, then, the conversation suddenly shifts tone....? (disgregard the lack of proper grammatical structure in that sentence) Well, that's what happened when I learned of Jasper. Here's how it went.
A few days ago, I decided to go into my room to get my brand-spankin'-new racetrack set. As I walked in, I saw Locke, Albert, the Sand Crane, Ludendorff, Horatio, the Flamboyant Flamingo, Jim, Mountbatten, and Pete in serious conversation. They didn't notice my presence. Here's what I heard (obviously mid-conversation):
Albert: "Really, Jasper's coming? You've got to be flippin' kidding me?!"
Locke: "Yes, he's coming, and we all know why he's flying all the way out here."
Mountbatten: "Wow, so, he's really going to deliver us a package."
Locke: "Obviously, Mountbatten, that's Jasper's profession. He's like DHL or FedEx."
Horatio: "Dear Jasper, I pity that fellow. I wonder what poverty-stricken neighborhood he had to grow up in to get that job?"
Ludendorff: "Horatio, it's a difficult job, but it's a blessed one."
(That's when they all noticed me standing there.)
Locke: "Oh, hey kiddo, what's new? You looking for your racetrack? Sure, we'll help you find it. Let me help you find it."
Me: "Who's Jasper?"
Albert: "Did you know that your new Little Tikes firetruck will go from 0 to 60 in five seconds when we all push it down the apartment building stairs?"
Me: "Really, who's Jasper? And, what are you getting in the mail?"
Locke: "Ok, we might as well be honest. He's a dear stork friend of ours, and he likes to eat frogs. Plus, he won't stay long -- not long at all. He typically leaves after catching a good bite to eat and well, dropping off his package."
Me: "A stork? What the heck is a stork?"
Sand Crane: "He's a bird relative. He makes special deliveries -- airmail. You know, he delivers packages."
Me: "Well, I hope he brings something neat like a new tractor."
Mountbatten: (dying laughing) "A new tractor? Kid, you crack me up. You better start hiding your 'old' tractors."
Me: "When do we get the special delivery?"
Albert: "Well, Jasper's note said that he'd arrive sometime on or around August 6th. He was rather vague."
Me: "You should have gotten Mom to do your on-line shopping because that doesn't sound like the company is shipping 'priority.' That even sounds worse than parcel post. And, that takes two blasted months!"
Locke: "Well, kiddo, the product is custom-made."
Mountbatten: (dying laughing again) "I'll say, custom-made!!! Too funny, Locke. You're too funny. I'm going to split a gut, here."
Horatio: "Kid, don't you remember eating lots of grilled cheese sandwiches about a month ago? Didn't your mother try to get you to eat some pickled okra the other day? Remember the chili-dogs for two days in a row? Yeah, what about those jalapeno poppers? That's all part of this Jasper dude's visit."
Locke: "Kiddo, just forget about it. You'll meet Jasper in August. Where's that racetrack?"
Me: "Y'all are weird. Where is my racetrack?"
So, yeah, that's Jasper. Apparently, I'm going to host a stork, come fall. He better be bringin' something good. Otherwise, we ain't sharing the Orange Juliuses.
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