THE JACKPACK

 Many of my buddies' mothers only let them watch Dora the Explorer,  Diego,  Blues Clues, and Baby Einstein on tv. You know, it's the educational stuff.  Owen knows his colors already; Sophie's practically a poet....  You get the idea.  Their parents are investing in their future, albeit supporting the liberal politically correct left-wing media. (Dora and Diego are hispanic, and guess what?  They teach their young audiences Spanish.  So, in a few years, my buddies will be able to converse with the folks in California.)    Well, I've decided to enjoy my toddlerhood with some quality, non-politically correct, mind-rotting, clever entertainment:  Tow Mater's Tall Tales.  I guarantee you that the vocabulary in Tow Mater's Tall Tales is far superior to that featured in Baby Einstein or Dora.  Here, you compare the quality: Moon Mater Dora Unfortunately, Mom wouldn't give me an IBC root beer ...

So, lately, I've been calling the "Mother" upstairs quite a bit.  We like to chat about everything, and she understands everything.  She even understands my language.  I think she must have a PhD in Jackese.  Anyway, I have a direct line.  When I need to chat with her, I just pick up the "phone" on Mom's nightstand.  I do it quite often.  It's cordless.  So, I can walk around.   The reception is amazing -- no static, ever!

So, today, as I rode in the car, I figured I'd mentally list my extensive vocabulary.  Then, when I got home, I thought, "Shoot, I might as well start a dictionary."  You know, it's kind of like Langenscheidt's, but it's the Langenscheidt for "Jackese to English/English to Jackese."  Perfect.  Let's get started. (not alphabetized....yet) Hi -- Hi Bye -- Bye Buh -- Blanket Jjjjack-- Jack Dad -- Dad Mmmommm -- Mom Tuck -- Truck Car -- Car Aur -- Auger Taaa -- Tractor Rrwock -- Rock Moo -- Moon Boo -- Boots Shhhhhoosh -- Shoes So (soft o) -- Socks Chchcheese -- Cheese Wauer -- Water Cuo-- Cookie Dn -- Done Hot --Hot Hat -- Hat Ba (sometimes -ana) -- banana Owin -- Owen Tunl -- Tunnel Bub -- Bubbles (bath bubbles) Phrases: Up Pleeeez -- Up Please OPPn Pleeeez-- Open Please Hhhh Pleeeeeez -- Help Please And here's my FAVORITE word ever right now: MORE -- MORE!! Stay tuned for more entries.  I will attempt ...

First off, I haven't written in a few weeks, and I apologize.  You know, Christmas gets hectic, and considering the "damage" Santa Claus did, I've been super busy.  You saw the pictures.  Apparently, Santa Claus thought I was pretty darn nice this year, and I tend to agree. (We won't discuss Dad's new wrestle-mania rules: No bonking, No biting, and NO pinching.  What a lightweight -- can't even take the occasional head-bonk!  I gotta give it to him, though.  Nobody else will wrestle with me.) Secondly, I forgot to mention a new member of my zoo: Jim.  He ain't nothing but a hound from Texas, and I love him.  Locke, Albert, and the entire crew took a liking to him immediately.  The Texas twang apparently won Jim immediate acceptance.  As for Jasper....  Jasper's a completely different story, and I haven't met him yet. Have you ever walked into a room full of a group of people discussing something...then, they notice you've...