THE JACKPACK

 Yesterday, I went to the Porter Henderson Implement Company and played with some real John Deere tractors.  

Three guesses on what my first word was!  And no, it was not Deoxyribonucleic acid.  Close, but no cigar... And, don't ask Dad.  He probably can't repeat it.  And, no, it was not a three or four letter word.  We don't use that type of language in my household.  We're not TT or WT.

Dad, Albert just called me collect and was wondering if you could Priority ship some fresh Alaskan salmon to him.  I asked him how he intends to pick it up from the post office, and he said that he has "his way."  Ugh, he needs to stop calling on my dime.   He also said to make sure that you tell his Aunt Sally "hello."  She just wrote him and said that she's been out of hibernation for a few months and that her bad hip had miraculously healed.  I'm not sure how you're supposed to figure out which bear in Alaska is "Aunt Sally."  But, he said that she wears stinky perfume...something about Eau-de-Fish Scale.  And, she has this thing for playground slides and garbage can lids.  Weird, if you ask me. Ok, Dad...I'm outta here.  Skype ya later.  Jack

I'm Still Driving..I drive.  Cars, Trucks, Tractors, Rocks, Cabinet Hardware.... If I can steer it, it's driving. I went to the ranch again this weekend. Boy, it was quite a trip....quite literally.  You see, I'd been holding out on this "walking" business.  Sure, on my birthday, about two weeks ago, I threw Mom a bone and walked around a bit.  But, it was so much easier to just push my cart/car or hitch a ride.  Well, I'm not quite sure what happened to my cart.  One day it was there.  Then, the next day it was gone.  So, crawling it was.  On Friday, when we got the ranch, I took one look at the types of insects/spiders that would be eye-level when in crawl-mode and decided that I needed to gain some altitude on those boogers.  Walking it is.  I'm still a little sea-legged, but it's working. It's obviously much easier to negotiate the pastures in "walk-mode," as opposed to "crawl-mode."  First of all, fireants like knee-...

Come in, Sandhill Crane!  I need a favor, man.  Can you count how many cars and trucks I have at home on my shelf?  If I have fewer than one hundred, I'm pretty sure I can convince Mom that I need some more.  Don't count the wooden ones -- only the metal ones.  I know I don't have any tractors.  Ugh, Mom keeps telling me to wait until Christmas. I know I just had my birthday, but the loot merely stoked my desire for more vehicles.   Mom doesn't understand a guy's need for "wheels," speed, and engine reving.   Remember how Dad keeps talking about a Corvette that he had before I was born?  A red one?  Well, I think I know why he doesn't have another one yet.  He's probably thinking he has to wait until Christmas.  Oh, before I get back, can you tell Pete to make sure that the batteries in my train are still good?  You know, he's kind of the geeky, reliable one.  Just tell him now.  I'm pretty sure ...

Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Alli....you know....diet plans.... Well, lately, I've decided to take these plans to the next level....errr....in the proper direction.  Quite frankly, I've come up with my own plan.  I'm trying to pork up, beef up, transform into the handsome, muscular dude that I'm destined to be.  A few days ago, I decided that dinnertime would be a good place to start.  I ate peas, carrots, steak, potato salad, and rye bread.  Then, I moved on to a cup of homemade tapioca.  After that, I sat down with Granddad, watched Cars cartoons and ate homemade donuts.  I ate two.  To wash all of this down, I had a cup of whole milk.  Afterwards, I decided that I needed some of Babcia's apple.  Whew!  The key to this weight plan is blueberries.  Grandma got me hooked on these and Babcia has just perpetuated it.  But, it's a critical component of the plan. In order to process all of this fo...

Whoa, I have finally recovered my latest fun-filled adventure -- an excursion to West Texas.  Now, most folks understand Texas to be Austin, San Antonio, Houston, and Dallas.  The I-35 corridor is pop-Texas, progressive-Texas, urbanista-Texas.  It's mainstream Texas.  Venture further and further west, and the traveler encounters what I like to consider "true, honest to goodness" Texas.  It's rugged, prickly, vast, and desolate.  It's the part of Texas where nature can stretch its arms without running into suburbia and asphalt.  It's the part of Texas where nature can take a deep breath without choking on Starbucks coffee grounds or ethanol.  It's the part of Texas where Mom's cousin Sarita lives with her husband and two children.  Sarita and her husband live and work on a ranch near Marathon, Texas.  The ranch is vast -- 250,000 acres.  We arrived at their quaint house on Friday evening.  I met my second cousin Gabe -- ...