Blubber Up
Dear Jack, Locke here. I know that the last few months have been nothing short of a dumpster fire, and I did not realize that when I woke Albert, I would literally somehow throw the Earth off kilter, unleash some evil spell, anger the gods, and cause a worldwide pandemic. Wow! I truly underestimated Albert's effect on humanity. But, let me explain why I disturbed Albert's peaceful slumber. Please know that it was not for some altruistic motivation that I awoke Albert from his ludicrous Arizona hibernation. What bear hibernates in an arid climate? An indolent one. Nope, I firmly believe nature innately selfish. Self-preservation is my motto. When I heard your mom say, “Well, it’s official, we are moving to AK,” I hightailed it back to your room to contemplate the news. How is a tiger like me supposed to survive in -40? I grabbed every encyclopaedia in your room. That’s when I realized that you likely lack ...