THE JACKPACK

So, you will NOT be seeing any photographs of me for a few weeks, at least until my hair can recover from the weed-wacking it got on Friday.  I'm kind of wondering if the barberess at the base barber shop had had a few too many, if you know what I mean.  I'm also wondering where she learned to cut hair.  Maybe she previously worked for a tree trimming/removal company. Mom and Dad agree that I look like this dude, and yeah, I wish I could disagree. Mom tried to save my reputation, and trimmed my hair in the bath, but unfortunately, it barely improved the "do" at all.  So, luckily, it's wintertime, and I can wear a hat.  From now on, I think I'll take my chances with Mom's hair-cutting skills or lack thereof.    

...and agony on me.  Deep dark depression, obsessive misery.  If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.  Gloom, despair and agony on me." These are not some of my more flattering faces, but it's just proof that Mom and Dad don't always give me what I want.  Apparently, throwing myself on the ground isn't very effective.  Sheesh. Where are my grandparents? 

I'm a tough guy.  The other day, Albert, Locke, Ludendorff, the Sand Crane, Horatio and Mountbatten decided to have a wrestling match to see who gets the title, "Tough Dude."  Now, you'd think they would have organized the event into separate matches, but they didn't.  Plus, they invited me to compete too.  Now, normally I have enough sense to know not to wrestle with a bear, tiger, hippo, crane, shark, and elephant.  But, that day, I had just eaten green beans, and I felt as big as the Green Giant on the can mom showed me.  So, I decided to join.  Locke shouted, "Commence!"  And, everyone just piled.  It was ridiculous.  There were fists.  Horatio wasn't allowed to use his teeth.  Mountbatten got Albert in his trunk and kept him dangling there like a Christmas ornament.  It was "sick," as in way cool.   Locke took a few feathers from the Sand Crane.  The Sand Crane pecked Luden...

Lately, I've become quite an asset to the daily operations taking place in the Miller household.  I am indispensable, essential, critical, key, or "the man."  I help with everything, and the proof is in the pictures. For example, I like to help Dad. I also like to help Mom. 

Greetings Homo Sapiens! Yep, we did it again.  We hacked into Jack's blog.  That's "we" as in Ludendorff, the brilliant hippopotamus.  [Locke, Albert, and Mountbatten just sat around smoking pipes and drinking Orange Juliuses.  (Jack's mom doesn't know about the pipes.  It's not like they were smoking them inside.  We were out on the "veranda.")  Horatio was taking a bath.  The Pink Flamingo was on a mission to find his pheasant friends.]  We all thought it a good idea to post some party pics from last week.  Jack didn't want them posted, but ha, he got out out-voted.  So, here they are.    

Frogs and snails And puppy-dogs' tails And mud and dead-mashed lizards.... So, every month, the Air Force hangs up another propaganda banner over "main street."  Yep, your tax dollars buy these big ol' banners that say stuff like, "Native American Heritage Month," "Black History Month," "Hispanic Heritage Month," "Women's History Month," "Eskimo Month," "Save a Penguin Month".... Ok, I'm kidding about the last two, but I have yet to see a banner that reads, "Jack's Month."  Maybe that's too ambitious -- too specific.  Perhaps, I should more realistically anticipate "Blonde, Blue-Eyed, Handsome, Babe-Magnet Heritage Month."  Or, just "White Dudes' Heritage Month."  Ok, heck, I'll just go with "Dudes' Month." Well, today, I declared it "Guy Day," and I took full advantage of my declaration.  I wore my lumberjack overalls and hi...

[Disclaimer: The following few sentences lack proper sentence structure and punctuation.  Deal with it.] Have you ever been going about your merry life, thinking, "this can't get any better," when something comes out of nowhere to improve it, and you're thinking "You, thing, existed in the same universe and it's only now that we have crossed paths???  I can't believe I lived without you!  Do you realize how deprived I was before you came into my life?" It's like your first bite of chocolate. It's like riding facing forward in your carseat for the first few weeks.  Wow, the world does exist! It's like learning to crawl. It's like taking your first bite of a chocolate chip cookie. It's like figuring out the right way to go down stairs. It's like finally getting the guts to sit down in the bathtub. It's like losing my Corvette outside somewhere only to discover my long-lost Porsche underneath the stove. And...drum...

You're probably wondering what kept me away for so long.  Well, Locke, Albert, Horatio, Ludendorff, the Sand Crane, Flamboyant Flamingo, and Mountbatten have been hogging the computer.  For the past month, every time I want to use it, they grab it from me and insist on reading election news.  Pete, the computer nerd, devised a computer program that basically computes a bunch of statistics regarding the various political races.  So, the zoo was busy running probabilities and percentages.  Sheesh.  They're addicts!  They had money on the races too!  Gamblers!  Horatio and Ludendorff have been lugging around money bags.  Apparently, they really cashed in.  Well, that's that for politics.  THe election is over, and they decided that they need a new project, one appropriate for the upcoming holiday season.  They decided that I'm their new project.  Apparently, it takes "skill "to write a quality letter to Santa Claus....