THE JACKPACK

I now know why Saint Augustine grass is called Saint Augustine.  It's because Saint Augustine is the patron saint of brewers, and you can see how the grass affects my walking ability.  Sheesh.

Hey Kid- It's Horatio, just in case you didn't pick up on the code.  Just FYI, I'm here in Korea.  You were correct.  This place smells like a full can of open sardines rotting in the summer sun.  As a shark, I'm not really accustomed to that stench, but I suppose I can get used to it.  I "met" Albert and the Sandhill Crane.  They refuse to let me into your room.  They keep cracking the door and saying, "Who GOES there?"  When I tell them, "Horatio," they answer, "Password, Por Favor."  (Apparently, they think I was named after a Spanish conquistador....ignorant fools!  Someone missed the lesson on Horatio Hornblower.) What's this password they're talking about?  You obviously forgot to fill me in on that critical bit of information before I left.  Cripes.  Apparently, it's less obvious than your blog password.  Kid, you need to beef up security.  Albert told me that I...

Hi Dad, You best be ready.   I'm a walkin', talkin' kid.  It's high time you take me to see that jet you fly.  Do you think you could get me an incentive flight?  Mom said that it's highly unlikely, but I figured that I'd ask you. By the way, before I come, can you make sure to stock up on some whole milk and animal crackers, the kind that come in the circus box -- NOT the bag?  Oh, and I'm bringing a ton of Hot Wheels cars and tractors with me.  So, get ready to race them down down the hallway and plow rows into the carpet.   (Get excited.  I have two Corvettes and a Porsche.) Well, Mom and I are sure as heck looking forward to seeing you.  Little Dude P.S. If you do get some animal crackers, make sure that Albert doesn't get into them.  He'll eat them ALL in one sitting.  Then, he'll complain about a stomachache. 

This evening, I discovered the moon.  I never realized that a bright orb lit the sky in the evenings.  Well, what do ya know?  Life and its simplicities.

So, a few days ago, my friend Cal invited me over to his place.  Today, I went.  He's a great dude.  Finally, I ran across someone who shares my passion for wheels.  He had a lawn mower, a grocery cart, a truck, two dumptrucks, more trucks, and a "Cars" tent in his room.  What a lucky dude!  I had a great time at Cal's house.  He even has a little brother, James.  James is actually younger than I am.  He just laughed at us the whole time and made "roaring" noises.  Interesting.  Unfortunately, Mom forgot to take her camera, and I don't have any pictures with my friend Cal.  When I got home, I told Locke of my adventures at Cal's house, about the car tent, the puzzles, and James. Upon hearing about James, Locke told me that little brothers are "bad news."  When I told him that I didn't understand how a kid so immobile and uninterested in trucks could pose a threat, he just said...

For the folks who have trouble communicating with me..... Tactor: tractor Light: light Do Wedzenia: Bye (Polish) Wiatrak: Fan (Polish) Tdad: Dad Nom/Nana: Mom Tuck: Truck

I got a haircut, and geez, it was 'bout time.  Mom drove me to Goodfellow AFB, and I got a nice "high and tight" haircut.  You know -- military style, good ol' boy, traditional haircut.  I'm hoping that with this haircut, people will start calling me "sir."  Babcia and Granddad keep telling me how good it looks and that I don't look like a "baby" anymore.  I love the sound of those compliments.  Seriously, we should have gotten the haircut a little sooner.  Now, people know that I mean business, especially when I decide to unroll the toilet paper and do some excavating with my Skidsteer in the houseplants.

Some of you will remember the latest addition to my zoo, my shark Horatio.  Well, it's almost time for me to get a move on back to KOreeeea, and I explained my travel plans to Horatio.  He had other ideas.  Rather than spend twelve hours on an airplane, watching the waves from above, he told me that he'd rather swim back.  I figured, "Shoot, why not?"  Besides, he and Locke would probably bore me to tears with one of their intellectual conversations.  Ugh...I cannot fathom a twelve hour discussion about our country's economic woes.  Right now, they're both reading the  Road to Serfdom .   Blah blah blah blah blah.....yak yak yak....blah blah blah...... Horatio says that he can beat me back, even with a brief stop in Hawaii to visit some of his relatives.  Sure, whatever, Horatio.  If he does beat me back, Dad's in for a suprise at the door -- a shark.  Well, I'm outta h...

Dad and Grandpa, this video is NOT for you, but if you do decide to watch it, take consolation in the fact that an evil Belorussian mobster was driving the Corvette.

It's been a while since I've posted, and I hope that I haven't run off any fans.  I've been preoccupied.  It's "carpe diem" a la Jack.   I'm pretty sure this is the modus operandi of toddlerhood.  You know, "seizing the day!"  I've been eating my veggies lately.  So, the more complicated vocabulary just keeps popping into my head. So, yes, I've been operating on all eight cylinders.  Last weekend, I went to the ranch, and of course, I did the ranch type of things you've read about in previous posts.  I played in the dirt, rode in the skidsteer, swam in the creek, and marveled at the trees.  Perhaps my latest and greatest discovery was the algae in the creek.  Suffice to say, that stuff is amazing!  It's slimy; it's gooey, and some of it even stinks!   Once girls start tattling on me later in life, this stuff could come in ultra-handy.  Hee hee hee....the possibilities are...

Yesterday, Mom made me go to Hobby Lobby with her.  Ugh....  Just the smell of that store makes me cringe.  All they have is girly, grandma-ish stuff that a boy like me doesn't have any business being around.  Sure, some of you will quickly say, "But, dear Jack, they sell models of cars, airplanes and trains there."  First of all, I have to wade through home decor, scented candles, wicker baskets, fabric, birthday cards, beads, and fake flowers before I can get to that section.  Then, it's just one aisle.  I can be done in five minutes, but Mom takes FOREVER.  Trust me.  A trip to Hobby Lobby is like getting clothing as a present.  Mom's happy; I'm not so much. So, you're probably wondering why I'm writing about this trip to Hobby Lobby.  Well, guess what store is next door?  TSC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You got that right -- Tractor Suppy Company.  Luckily, I survived the tri...

You're probably thinking, "What?  Jack went to the country of amoralism and wooden Striderites?"  (Wait, did I use amoralism correctly?  Whatever)  Actually, I did not go to the real mcoyster Holland.  Mom's not a big fan of flying long stretches with me....yet.  I bet when she's old and decrepit, she will.  Instead, I went to Holland, Texas.  I've got some family there.   Holland, Texas is better than the real Holland in the sense that it's G rated....completely unlike the R rated Amsterdam about which I have not yet heard or read.  Plus, Holland, Texas has fewer, well....no mosques, that I know of.  I went to a place that has miniature donkeys, German Shepherds (even a puppy), Labs, goats, chickens, cats, and horses.  I had never been around cats, horses, chickens, or donkeys.  I was fascinated by the cats, but when Dad heard this, he said, "Jack better enjoy them there, 'cause he's never going to have...